I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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