Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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