for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
