It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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