My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize