Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
