i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You are a genius and a whore.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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