Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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