I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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