so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
