Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
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i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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