Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
