My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
love makes seman taste better
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
