weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
