The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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