he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
