Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
