apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
