Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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