Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
