Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
