I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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