Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
