I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
