wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
