oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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