porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
