no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
