There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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