Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
