People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
