I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
