Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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