What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This is my life. Enjoy the view
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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