Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There are leaves in my underwear?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
