He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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