Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She said her name was "party"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
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you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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