Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
