Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
