ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
