how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
