I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
