This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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