apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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