Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You have to summon your inner elephant
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
