I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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