3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
