It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
