I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
