i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
