new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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