i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
