I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
