I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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