On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
