as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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