I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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