God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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