She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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