Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize