i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
