Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
