It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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