The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
