i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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