im six kinds of drunk right now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
