You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
