WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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