I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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