turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
