Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
