dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do vagina's smell?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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