yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
