Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
