That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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