I faked an abortion last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
