the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
