if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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