Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Mom said you looked used
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
