Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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